


Signs

by nhasablog



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Feelings Realization, M/M, Pre-Slash, Tickling, platonic McKirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 22:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9924110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nhasablog/pseuds/nhasablog
Summary: Finding himself at Spock’s side and suddenly feeling no desire to leave again should’ve been the first sign, but he wasn’t about to try to examine his own mind; knew it would open too many doors containing too many things than he was comfortable with.(Or, all the signs are there, but Jim is ignoring them until Bones suddenly sees them and he has no choice but to acknowledge them as well.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is very pre-slash Spirk and Jim centered with a hint of platonic McKirk. I hope you will enjoy it! Feedback is, as always, very appreciated (I am BEGGING you, I’ve had to do research in order to not fuck Spock up completely okay).

Jim’s only explanation was an unbearable restlessness that had settled over him ever since that morning and had made it impossible for him to stay still. Thus he was walking around the Enterprise as if to inspect every single nook of it, most likely putting several of his crew members on edge at his sudden appearances, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t remain in one room for too long or he was afraid he would go insane.

Finding himself at Spock’s side and suddenly feeling no desire to leave again should’ve been the first sign, but he wasn’t about to try to examine his own mind; knew it would open too many doors containing too many things than he was comfortable with.

Spock showed no surprise at his unannounced visit - not that Jim would’ve been able to properly tell if he did anyway - and simply greeted him as if Jim popped up randomly all the time. With Bones he could understand, since one of them suddenly appearing was pretty much how they hung out nowadays, but he never did that with Spock, and Spock most certainly never did that with him. The fact that they were so at ease with it should’ve been the second sign.

“Whatcha doing?” Jim asked as he entered the lab, peeking at whatever Spock was currently placing in front of the microscope. He wasn’t in the mood for formal greetings.

“Captain,” Spock returned, unfazed. “I am merely examining the bacteria we collected during our last stop, as my duties require me to.”

“Don’t you ever take a break, Spock?”

“I do not see the reason to, as you put it, take a break, if I am energized enough to continue my research.”

“I knew you were my First Officer for a reason.”

“I trust you have not regretted your decision.”

“On the contrary, my dear Vulcan. You’re doing an _excellent_ job. But I beg you to not work yourself to death.”

“As you wish, Captain, but if I may interject, I have never nor am I planning to, as you say, work myself to death.”

“Are you just going to keep quoting me?”

“That was not my intention.”

Rather than feel annoyed at Spock’s Vulcanness, Jim only felt amused and almost comfortable at the familiarity. Spock would always be Spock. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Spock seemed taken aback by his question. Well, at least as taken aback as Spock could get. “Captain?”

“Jim.”

“Jim,” Spock corrected himself. “For as long as I have been in commission on the Enterprise I have never witnessed you offering me help in the laboratory, as I am quite certain you trust my abilities to do my duty. Have I done something that dissatisfies you?”

Jim waved a hand at him. “Relax, Spock. I’m only asking because I’m bored out of my mind and even whatever the hell you’re doing would be entertaining to some degree.”

Spock showed understanding by the slightest raise of his eyebrows. “I see. I am afraid we would risk harming the research if you interfered.”

Jim placed a hand over his heart. “Ouch. That hurt. Are you suggesting I won’t be good at what you do?”

“I am merely suggesting-”

“ _Spock_. I was kidding.”

Spock hesitated slightly before saying, “I do confess that I occasionally have difficulties interpreting your tone.”

“Read up on sarcasm, because that’s approximately 95 percent of my humor.”

“That I am aware of.”

Jim slapped his shoulder lightly for no reason at all. “I should go, since you have work to do that apparently I would suck at. Don’t wanna ruin your project.”

“That would be wise, as I am in a sensitive stage of my research that requires my fullest attention.”

Jim found himself unwilling to leave, but he turned around anyway with a, “See ya later, Spock,” and disappeared from the room.

First sign, second sign.

* * *

 

The third sign was that he always ended up wherever Spock was, and for the most part he wasn’t even doing it on purpose, but he knew deep down that he always meant to walk toward where he knew - or hoped - Spock was on the ship.

At first he assumed it was because, unlike Bones, Spock never tried to get him to talk about whatever was bothering him, so it was like a breath of fresh air to enter Spock’s quarters and know he wouldn’t get grilled about whatever was on his mind that day. It usually was something, and Bones, Uhura, and even Scotty and Sulu could always pick up on it, and they always at least asked, with the exception of Bones who did so much more than just ask. Spock only said _I trust you are well_ , giving him the opportunity to share if he wanted to, but never giving him no other choice. He never did share, of course, as he was sure Spock would be absolutely horrified if he suddenly burst into tears of pain or nostalgia or something.

Though, to be fair, a horrified Spock would’ve been a beautiful sight.

The more time he spent with Spock, however, the more he realized that he simply enjoyed his presence, believe it or not. Vulcans had their charm, if you chose to oversee their stoic nature, and Jim was becoming more and more fond of his First Officer.

“Spock,” he greeted one morning as they settled for breakfast way too early for Jim. They were among the very few people up this early, and had somehow ended up at the same table without planning to. At this point Jim didn’t think they needed to plan anything anymore. It just happened.

“Jim,” Spock replied, finally ditching the ‘Captain’ during informal meetings. “I trust you slept well.”

“I had a hard time falling asleep,” Jim admitted.

“That is unfortunate.”

“It is.” And nothing more was said on the topic, which Jim appreciated. “How’d you sleep then?”

“Quite well.”

It all seemed like it should’ve been awkward, but it wasn’t. Not entirely, at least. As curt as their conversation seemed, Jim was comfortable. He still hadn’t figured out why this was, but he didn’t question it. God knew he needed less complication in his life anyway.

Jim waved his fork around before he spoke. “So how’s that research that I would ruin going?”

Spock acknowledged the hint to their previous conversation with a slight nod. “I do believe it is reaching its conclusion.”

“Is it a good conclusion?”

“I believe it is. I certainly have quite the lengthy report on it already.”

“So the mission was a success?”

“Quite successful, yes.”

Jim cracked a grin. “That’s good to hear. To be fair I found it a success when nothing attempted, or god forbid managed, to kill us. But to be able to share our progress with our authorities is good too. Well done, Spock.”

Spock preened at the praise. Jim could tell, though it was almost nonexistent. “I cannot take all the credit, of course.”

Jim nodded. “Of course not. It’s all about teamwork. I think we all make a particularly good team.”

“I will have to agree with you, Jim.”

Curt, yet comfortable. Sign number three.

* * *

 

Jim found himself thinking of Spock more often than not, for some reason, which should’ve been the fourth sign had he been more observant. At first he was replaying moments of great danger where he either almost lost Spock or was saved by Spock. They’d had a quiet couple of weeks, so that his restless mind suddenly started returning to more exciting yet desperate times wasn’t strange. But he noticed that his brief flashbacks always involved Spock, which was to expect since he was his First Officer, after all, and while he’d had similar experiences with Bones and Sulu, it was always Spock that entered his brain.

But when he was running out of dangerous moments to ponder over he started thinking of meals he’d shared with him, quarrels they’d had, and moments where their eyes had met. He realized what his mind kept bringing up, but he refused to let it mean something, even though it meant everything.

“Do you ever find yourself constantly thinking of someone?” he asked Bones one day, having once again caught his thoughts straying to Spock during his visit to Bones’ quarters.

Bones looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Uh, not _constantly_ , unless they’ve really pissed me off or I’m in love with them or something.”

Jim caught his eye. “In love- did you use to always think of your previous wife before you guys started going out?”

Bones seemed reluctant to bring that up, but he nodded. “I did. Why are you asking?”

Jim didn’t reply at first due to a sudden existential crisis that washed over him. He wasn’t…was he?

Bones tilted his head. “Jim?”

“No reason,” Jim blurted out too late. “I’m asking for no reason.”

Bones narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Uh huh. Do I have to use drastic measures to get you to talk?”

“Talk about what? And what drastic measures, what are you babbling on about?”

“Stop playing dumb. We both know that’s the last thing you are.”

“Was that a compliment?”

“Cherish it while it lasts.”

Jim snorted, and knew he was hoping Bones would drop it in vain when his friend took a step closer. This was why he sometimes preferred spending time with Spock, because Spock wouldn’t push him to talk.

Was he?

“I know you have this thing where you worry about things and won’t share unless I force you to,” Bones started, only for Jim to cut him off.

“Nothing’s worrying me! It was just a simple question.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Has someone pissed you off?”

“No.”

“Then why are you constantly thinking of them?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I asked.”

Some sort of understanding washed over Bones, which wasn’t reassuring in the slightest. “Wait.”

“No.”

“You’re not-”

“No.”

“-are you?”

“No!”

“Very convincing.”

“I’m…not.”

“Uh huh.”

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“That knowing bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit, and you know it.”

“I don’t know anything.” He hadn’t meant for it to come out so desperately. He shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“Kid?”

“What?”

“Did we just figure this out simultaneously?”

Jim’s laugh was joyless. “I think we did. But don’t tell anyone.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Bones reached out to poke at his ribs a couple of times, making him jerk away with an involuntary laugh. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Not tickle me to death, I hope.”

“I’ll do that later. Right now I have to get back to my duties.”

“You sound a bit like Spock.”

“And I will also kick your ass for that later.”

Jim grinned and started for the door. “Love you, Bones!”

“Yeah, yeah. Go be in love somewhere else.”

He wasn’t, but he was.

* * *

 

After that he started noticing the signs more clearly, and now he couldn’t ignore them. He couldn’t ignore the fifth sign that consisted of him fucking _dreaming_ of Spock almost every night; sometimes in an innocent manner, and sometimes not at all.

It was just his luck that he’d fallen asleep on the couch while hanging out with Bones and having a Spock dream. It wasn’t even sexual this time, but Bones still shot him a look when he woke up, and Jim was still so out of it that he asked. “What?”

“You talk in your sleep.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah. Well, I already knew that, since I’ve lived with you. But…”

“But?”

“It’s usually gibberish. This time you said Spock’s name. Over and over.”

Jim felt himself go rigid. “Did I?”

“Yes.”

“Spock’s name?”

“Uh huh.”

Fifth sign, sixth sign, abort, abort.

He attempted a relaxed smile, but was pretty sure he failed miserably. “I must’ve dreamt about him.”

“That much I got. What did you dream anyway?”

“I don’t even remember.”

Bones didn’t say so, but Jim understood that he’d figured it out. He wasn’t sure what to think of it. On one hand it felt good to not be the only one carrying this weight, on the other he didn’t want to talk about it. Bones was a talker, believe it or not. His motto in life was to get Jim to talk about things since apparently it was good for him or something.

Jim rolled over and turned his back to the room, partly to hide his face in the back of the couch. Embarrassment wasn’t a feeling he felt often, and he had a hard time dealing with it.

He felt fingertips trail over the sole of his one foot. “Hey, don’t be like that,” Bones said from where he was sitting by the end of the couch.

Jim jerked his foot away from him. “Like what?”

“Moody that I heard you.”

“I’m not.” He pulled his foot away from Bones’ insistent fingers again. “Stop that.”

“I just remembered I haven’t tickled you to death yet. I might as well do it now so that you can cheer up again.”

Jim rolled over to his back again to protect his feet, which of course only gave Bones access to everything else. His fingers trailed up Jim’s legs, and his pants did nothing to dampen the feeling. “Stohop that,” he repeated, not being able to help the giggles from escaping his lips.

Bones was smirking, which somewhat made Jim feel even more ticklish. “Stop moping and I might.”

“I’m nohot moping!”

“Sure you’re not.” Bones leaned closer to wiggle his fingers over Jim’s hips. “A ray of sunshine, you are.”

Jim batted his hands away. “You suck,” he said as Bones backed off. “I’m always a ray of sunshine.”

Bones snorted, but made no move to keep tickling him, thankfully. “So Spock, huh?”

Jim groaned, both internally and out loud. “Don’t tell him.”

“That’s your job.”

“Fuck.” Jim ran a hand through his hair. “How do you _tell_ someone something like that?”

“You ask them out, obviously.”

“How do you ask a Vulcan out?”

“Ask Nyota.”

Jim shook his head. “I can’t. Too weird. Too- just too weird.”

“You gotta deal with this at some point, kid.”

“Not now. Not ever.”

“Don’t make me tickle you again.”

“That won’t help, and you know it.”

They were silent for a moment. Jim was wondering how he went from not having a clue to both of them knowing exactly what was going on. He wondered if the rest of the crew could see through him. He wondered if _Spock_ could see through him.

He curled into a ball on the couch. He felt a little sick.

“Hey.” Bones hand landed on his knee. “You okay?”

Jim exhaled slowly, loudly. “I’m just wondering how I could’ve missed the signs. They were _right there_ , in front of my face.”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you see them now and can do something about them.”

That thought terrified him. “What if it’s one sided, Bones? What if he won’t even want to be my friend once he knows?”

“You won’t lose that, Jim. You won’t lose him.”

Losing Spock. The worst thing imaginable. Sign seven. Or was it eight? Jim had lost count. There were too many signs.

Bones gave his knee a squeeze, which tickled only a little and was enough for Jim to glance up at him. “You’re gonna be fine.”

He really wanted to believe him.

* * *

 

The next sign, whatever number he was at, was that he found himself becoming nervous at the mere thought of being in the same room as Spock, and let’s not even talk about how he felt when they were side by side. He was sure the Vulcan noticed this sudden change, and it didn’t make him feel any better. Like at all.

“Jim,” he greeted him one day as Jim entered his quarters after having wandered around the ship in restlessness once more and pretended that he hadn’t ached to go to Spock to begin with. “Are you well?”

It was a question. A genuine question. Spock never straight out asked questions like that. Fuck.

“I am, yes,” Jim replied, pushing his sudden panic to the back of his mind like he did with everything. “Are you?”

“I am indeed.”

“That’s very good to hear.”

Spock’s face didn’t change, but Jim could somehow sense that he was looking at him differently. He cleared his throat, feeling almost awkward. “Busy day?”

Small talk. It all felt so insignificant right now when he had a thousand things he longed to share hanging at the tip of his tongue.

Spock told him about all the things he’d done since Jim had stopped by to ask about his work last, shared the progress he’d made and explained what it all meant when he thought that Jim was lost, and Jim was nodding and humming and commenting when appropriate, but he knew they both knew that something was hovering above them. Something they refused to acknowledge. Or at least he hoped they could both feel it. It was incredibly lonely feeling things by yourself.

“Spock?”

“Jim?”

He only had to say a couple of words. Only had to ask a question or two. It wasn’t hard, only it was. It was the hardest thing in the whole entire universe.

“You’re doing a great job,” he said instead, because he was a coward when it came to feelings; especially when it came to feelings for a being who was known to not feel, or so they said.

“I thank you, Jim.” Spock always said his name, just like Jim always said his.

The signs were _everywhere_.

Jim left without another word.

* * *

 

Later, as the Enterprise turned silent and dark as everyone fell into slumber, Jim found himself in Spock’s quarters once again, knowing the Vulcan didn’t need as much sleep as humans did, and thus was probably still at work. He was right, and Spock raised an eyebrow in surprise at Jim’s late visit. “Captain?”

“It’s Jim.”

“I apologize. I am never quite certain of when you are here as the Captain or-”

“As your friend? Or-” He paused. Did he dare continue? “Or something else?”

Spock’s gaze never wavered when he replied. “Yes.”

“I’m always your friend, Spock.”

“That pleases me.”

“Does it?”

“Immensely so, yes.”

“And what if I was something else?”

“It is not of any importance to me what it is that you are.”

“Was that an insult?”

“Quite the opposite, I can assure you. It does not matter to me as your presence pleases me whether you are the Captain, my friend, or something else.”

Spock had basically just declared his love to him. He knew that when the Vulcan didn’t step away as Jim stepped closer.

“The feeling’s mutual,” he said calmly, even though he felt a hundred different things right now.

Spock didn’t reply. He didn’t have to. They only needed to reach out and touch their fingertips together to know that words weren’t needed. They could understand each other perfectly. Jim could barely keep a straight face when the corner of Spock’s lips twitched. The signs were clearer than ever.

He was, he was, he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://nhasablog.tumblr.com)


End file.
